A fucket list is the opposite of a bucket list.

It’s the things you don’t want to do before you die.

(According to Urban Dictionary, it could also be spelled fuckit list and sometimes it refers to a list of people to have sexual intercourse with before you die. This is not such a list.)

The rules are simple:

  • It must be something you don’t want to do, ever.
  • It must be something that seems to be a “thing” to other people.
  • It’s okay to be slightly passive-aggressive (my personal rule).

Here goes:

1Jump out of a functional airplane

Because I don’t suffer from dopamine deficiency.

2Buy expensive stuff for social status

Stuff just wear you down and up owning you instead.

3“Fit in”

I don’t, anyway.

4Run a marathon

There must be healthier ways to get likes on Facebook.

5Climb a mountain

I can’t imagine what type of business I would have up there.

6Try auto-erotic asphyxiation

Brains need oxygen, right?

7Geocaching

I’m geeky, but not that geeky.

8Join the Mile High Club

This just in: It’s not sexy to have intercourse where strangers defecate.

9Go backpacking across Europe

I like fancy hotels and I prefer to travel light.

10Bungee jumping

I get my kicks from reading books, said the introvert.

11Ask for a celebrity autograph

I wouldn’t know what to actually do with the autograph.

12Respect religious beliefs

Because, you know, science.

13Swim with sharks.

They keep out of my living room, so…

14See a psychic for any type of answers

If I did, I’d be better off seeing a psychiatrist.

15Be a toastmaster

Let’s just say that it’s not my thing.

16Play golf

My temper could never handle it.

17Run for a political office

I’d love to run someone’s campaign, though.

18Get easily offended

I don’t want to belong to that group.

19Learn about wine

I don’t want to belong to that group, either.

20Join a cult

I’m not a very good follower.

21Visit a circus

Animals shouldn’t be living like that.

22Keep up with the Kardashians

Because, why?

What would you put on your fucket list? Please share in the comments.